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Jul. 20th, 2005 @ 10:58 am (no subject)
Current Mood: crazycrazy
I haven't graced this journal for a long time.

the boy still is wrapped around my finger the only down side is i am wrapped around his.

haven't felt the urge to do stupid things for ages. and my dreams are becoming less dangerous.

still covered in work related bruises.

and a cigar is the greatest thing invented by man.
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May. 4th, 2005 @ 08:29 am (no subject)

Your Birthdate: September 12

Being born on the 12th day of the month (3 energy) is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life.

The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental.

There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, sometimes "couldn't care less" attitude.

You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression.

Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing.

You are energetic and always a good conversationalist.

You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters.

Your mind is practical and rational despite this tendency to jump about.

You are affectionate and loving - but very sensitive.

You are subject to rapid ups and downs.

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Apr. 28th, 2005 @ 09:57 am (no subject)
Current Mood: bouncybouncy

How are we all?

I am fine, io wake up nearly every morning wrapped up with my boyfriend...which is odd, can't really go a day without talking and frankly sleeping without him is just weird... BUT, anyway...

dad took the camara to work so can't put cute photos on my comp, damn, have to wait untill tonight and thats if he brings it. growl.


We're going to the beach today to sprawl in the sun and whale in the sea.

going to have a ball....when he finally gets out of bed!
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Apr. 18th, 2005 @ 11:38 pm Human Kindness is over flowing...
Current Mood: scaredscared yet now that i am safe
Current Music: Bette all teh way...
scary, the feeling of dread and horror... like i was back there. no laughter.

Anyway... BETTE IS COOL!!

Ah so the list...

Bed - classic!!! endless fun can be had in a bed with the right person and supplies.
SHower - again, calssic and fun coz i found someone tall, who can pick me up!!!
Bath - a bit difficult but it can be done, scratched off list
Bathroom vanity - this is a great one, mirror and oh so deep!!!
car - left some interesting hand prints on the bonnet!!
garage - fun, amusing, handy mattress down there.
kitchen table/bench
dining table
Pool table
park bench
floor - Floor is much the same as bed but no give, but still fun.
Wall - this one is very difficult, i think you sorta need some leverage... but interesting
free standing - difficulty rating high, but very nice.
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Apr. 17th, 2005 @ 09:48 am (no subject)
Well my new lover is proving to be a fast learner and and excellent study. Much to my pleasure...obviously. granted that the parentals are in love with him and that he can really do no wrong, though i do have a visible HICKIE...shit. so that might annoy them...then again maybe not.
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Apr. 8th, 2005 @ 11:38 pm Blood red, it drips...a slow death drip that never ends.
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: When will i have to say goodbye forever
I redyed my hair, blood red. contrasts beautifully with the paleness of me face.
of the aenemic see through quality of it. every mark ever made and every vein as clear as day.
i was always fasinated by red, and now all i ever see is red, when i look in the mirror,
when i look at my hands, my wrists, my legs... the veins struggle to maintain blood.
that red liquid that sludges through arterries, shes gone again, and i can't help but think
in part that it was my fault. I work to much, and am so tired that sometimes i think my bones are breaking but i still could have gone over and hugged her...told her i loved her...
I need to get better and i need to get better now.

But no one knows i'm sick...
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Mar. 31st, 2005 @ 12:40 pm Slave - It had to stop
Current Mood: crankycranky
Two weeks, he told me two weeks, and i'm gonna hold him to it.

Not so long ago i was a slave, then i killed it, him, her, them and was free, but in killing them all i created something else and i have yet to decide if i prefered to be the slave or the darkness i have created now with in me. And in fearing the thing that i have created should i fear the things it craves and should i worry about not being able to control it. Or fear the thing that can. domination is love. thrown up against a wall was always love. pain is love. break me, erase me, i'll still fucking kill your and your fucked up friends.

Sorry that came out wrong, and doesn't mean anything to anyone.
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Mar. 29th, 2005 @ 10:54 am HAP-PY
Current Mood: calmcalm
nothing better then finding someone, that doesn't make you hesitiate.
nothing better then finding someone that falling asleep with is one of the most pleasurable things on earth
nothing better then finding someone that finally feels right
nothing better then just being happy
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Mar. 28th, 2005 @ 10:22 am (no subject)
Current Mood: calmcalm
Things that happen that make you happy.

You go to sleep feeling safe happy and wanted, in the arms of a giant, who can actually make it around the entire length of your body. which is a big switch!

Ihave to have a shower and get ready for home show with parentals
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Mar. 24th, 2005 @ 09:53 am When will i say goodbye forever.
Current Mood: sickIn Pain
Current Music: Stellas new song
I hate it how even though you never want to see people again you still miss them. Screams in Frustration.

Having abit of trouble, Kinda sick at the moment.

Getting to the doctor is a real pain the the arse when no one bulk bills and you have no money and let me finish, easter is coming upon us.

looks mornfully at the sky, i am so tired.

I can't wait for him to step off the plane and hug me, thats all i want right now is to be enfolded in his arms and feel safe again. Tomorrow is so far away, sobs. i feel so PISSED OFF. I hate my body, god how i hate it, it never works, and it always hurts, and the doctors say...we don't know why? THere is something wrong but unfortunately we can't find the problem. SOrry. UNcaring of my torment and pain. Sleep is my only release and even that now is becoming scarse.

Sorry to have to write this but it has all become to much this morning, my pacients is wearing thin and there are only so many drugs you can take.

we all fall down
I trust your baby, psychopath
Make me vomit out your pain cos i love you
I can't hate
when I see your back
I wasn't murdered you just committed suicide
in my mind.
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